My heart weighs a ton.  How is it that I have gotten it all wrong?  I am not the friend that I thought I was.  I am not the person I pride myself on being.  I tell myself that I am here to help people, that I really want the people around me to be better…  to make better decisions…  but better by whose standards?  Mine?  I am hardly in a position to be setting standards for anyone.  I do know one thing, I am going to be setting a new standard for myself, and that is to be more supportive.  I have heard from several people that I am too “intense” and/or my moods are too unpredictable.  That when people come to me, I am quick to jump to a conclusion and/or solution and forget that it is a person that I am dealing with.  A person that may just want a kind ear, a hug, or just some sympathy.  That maybe the way I should be helping people is not by trying desperately to make them see things differently but to just support them in what they are doing.  I know that I cannot change myself.  I am who I am for a reason.  But I also know that I have the capability to grow from who I am into something better.  Someone who can have those answers, but listens first, and listens more.  But through all of it…  I have to ask myself…  How did I get to where I am.  How could I have allowed myself to become this person.  The guy that makes people uncomfortable.  Because, truth be told, I really do make things worse in some situations.  I am not exactly sure how to articulate it in such a way as to make it understanding to someone who is not in my head, but I know that to be the truth.  At any rate, I know I can become better, or at least, I hope I can get better before my friends decide they would rather not be my friends.

-=brett=-