Ok… am I missing something??? Every time I tell someone that I am on a diet, I am told that I do not need to lose weight… for the record, I am not going to stop, but I am still very confused. I weight ~240 lbs right now. I started my diet at 274 and have made steady progress. My goal weight is to be right at 200 lbs, or under. When I try on clothes, I am still an Xtra-large at best, sometimes a 2x depending on the place. I still have a 36 waist, but would like to be a 32. I am not sure I get it… I think that my focus is in the wrong place… I am trying to compare myself to guys like Eric or the twins… and they just are not built like I am. I am 6’2”, broad shoulders, big build. For years, I have convinced myself that the only reason I believe that I am big-framed is to make me feel better about my weight. So I took action, and will continue to make progress. But I can’t continue trying to be the tiny guy that these guys are… because I am not. Make no mistake, I am going to continue getting in shape, I just have to change the definition of what in-shape for ME is and stop playing the numbers game.

You know? I think that the weight struggle all goes back to the lesson that I am learning that I am SO quick to compare myself to others and not really analyze ME. I am so ready to be someone else! I think THAT is where ALL my problems lie. I have been told this before, and I have even given this advice to others. But now I get it. I realize it… and I understand it. It is one thing to know something… but the real progress, or reality, happens when truth becomes more than what you know. Truth is what you believe. If you believe that you are fat, then you are fat. If you believe that you are a good singer, then you are a good singer. But sometimes what you believe isn’t what it real, and in that instance, the forces of perception and reality begin to conflict, and identity is lost. People see what is, and if you act in a way that defies what is, the people do not see you, and then their perception is distorted as well. In my opinion, It is only when what you are and what you believe match that you really find yourself. It takes embracing what you are, working for what you want, and overlooking, or outright ignoring, what you aren’t to truly make yourself happy… and I am thankful that my journey has taken me this direction. The changes over the last 3 months have really shown me the light, and I understand way more about me now than I ever have, and I look forward to continuing my quest to enlighten myself…

-=brett=-