Ok… am I missing something??? Every time I tell someone that I am on a diet, I am told that I do not need to lose weight… for the record, I am not going to stop, but I am still very confused. I weight ~240 lbs right now. I started my diet at 274 and have made steady progress. My goal weight is to be right at 200 lbs, or under. When I try on clothes, I am still an Xtra-large at best, sometimes a 2x depending on the place. I still have a 36 waist, but would like to be a 32. I am not sure I get it… I think that my focus is in the wrong place… I am trying to compare myself to guys like Eric or the twins… and they just are not built like I am. I am 6’2”, broad shoulders, big build. For years, I have convinced myself that the only reason I believe that I am big-framed is to make me feel better about my weight. So I took action, and will continue to make progress. But I can’t continue trying to be the tiny guy that these guys are… because I am not. Make no mistake, I am going to continue getting in shape, I just have to change the definition of what in-shape for ME is and stop playing the numbers game.
You know? I think that the weight struggle all goes back to the lesson that I am learning that I am SO quick to compare myself to others and not really analyze ME. I am so ready to be someone else! I think THAT is where ALL my problems lie. I have been told this before, and I have even given this advice to others. But now I get it. I realize it… and I understand it. It is one thing to know something… but the real progress, or reality, happens when truth becomes more than what you know. Truth is what you believe. If you believe that you are fat, then you are fat. If you believe that you are a good singer, then you are a good singer. But sometimes what you believe isn’t what it real, and in that instance, the forces of perception and reality begin to conflict, and identity is lost. People see what is, and if you act in a way that defies what is, the people do not see you, and then their perception is distorted as well. In my opinion, It is only when what you are and what you believe match that you really find yourself. It takes embracing what you are, working for what you want, and overlooking, or outright ignoring, what you aren’t to truly make yourself happy… and I am thankful that my journey has taken me this direction. The changes over the last 3 months have really shown me the light, and I understand way more about me now than I ever have, and I look forward to continuing my quest to enlighten myself…
-=brett=-
A Gr8 Weekend
Posted by bretthperkins on January 24, 2010
I have to say that I have really had a wonderful weekend. It was productive, fun, relaxing, and uplifting. Now… I am dreading going back to work tomorrow, but I am also kind of looking forward to it as well.
Nashville in Harmony started this weekend, and I was pleasantly surprised. I have a bad habit of getting ideas in my head about what something will be be before I actually get somewhere, or see something. And NiH (Nashville in Harmony’s abbreviation) was no different. While I had seen media online about the group that would completely invalidate my thoughts of the group, I still had the thoughts that this choir would be a great group of people that put forth an honest effort at singing, sing, and move on. I thought that it would be mediocre at best… and I could NOT have been more wrong. These people are serious, and I am so fortunate to be a part of their ensemble. As it stands now, we are in the top 3 of the largest community GLBT and Friendly choirs. There is a focus, a goal, a vision, and organization. And above all else, there is a tremendous pool of talent. The family here is diverse, special, and you can really feel the love coming from these people, and I know that I will be a part of it for a long time. I did know a couple of people going into this, but not well, but I have more than made up for that with all the friends that I have met so far. The choir is 114 members strong, very large for a community choir, and we are growing. This season is going to be a lot of fun, the music selections are fantastic, and the director is awesome! I could probably go on forever, so I think that I will just stop there.
I actually had some time this morning to work on Sharp-Blogger, which was awesome. I have almost completed the Common portions of the code that will handle event logging and exception handling. This is the biggest part to build in the underlying structure as all of the parts will build from this part of the system. I think the other areas will fall in place rather quickly and I will be able to build the administration console. Once that is done, all that will remain is the view model (loading the data into the site so it can be viewed).
I wish that I were further along that this at this point, but it is all good. I am MORE than happy with where the remainder of my time is being spent.
And that is about all. I guess I should head to bed. I want to get to work AT 7 tomorrow, which means that I have to be up and out by 6:15.
-=brett=-
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